


Frivolous Sentimentality

by TheJudicator (EmperorsVornskr)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [7]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Childhood Memories, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Opening Up, Soft Kylux, Stuffed Toys, comfort item, sentimental items, trust building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23802895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmperorsVornskr/pseuds/TheJudicator
Summary: Kylo catches a glimpse of Hux's childhood in the form of a beloved toy. Hux divulges a bit of his past- and treats Kylo to a reminder of his own past, bringing them a little bit closer.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Series: Tumblr Prompts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677616
Comments: 32
Kudos: 124





	Frivolous Sentimentality

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the art queenphasma did on tumblr of Armitage as a kiddo, and the toys he had. Given the sad canon that is Armitage's childhood, and the various fanons that have arisen, I wanted to give Hux something bittersweet.  
> https://queenphasma.tumblr.com/post/615889984375914496

It took Kylo a minute to fully understand his situation.

Normally, after one of the sporadic, quick, and rather rough trysts with Hux, he’d put his clothes back on, shove his helmet back over his head, and go back to his day- or go sleep it off in his own room, depending on where in their schedule they’d worked in that particular session.

Hux occasionally dragged him into the fresher for a shower, but never did he invite him to stay the night. Hux liked his personal space, and liked keeping Kylo out of it even more when his personal time overlapped with time spent in said personal space.

So it was very confusing to Kylo at that moment, waking up in the General’s bed, with said General curled up beside him, using his broad chest as a pillow.

Hux was a quiet sleeper, and a tightly wound one, at that. Where Kylo sprawled- usually on his back or stomach, limbs akimbo- Hux curled. He had himself wound almost impossibly tight in a foetal position, his body at a forty-five degree angle from Kylo, his head resting on Kylo’s chest. His knees were drawn up close to his chest, with just enough room between his thighs and chest for his arms.

Kylo didn’t move, was afraid to breathe, lest he wake Hux up. He knew how little sleep Hux got, he could feel his exhaustion on a daily basis. Had the timing just been perfect enough to where Kylo was finally getting to see Hux sleep due to sheer exhaustion? Had he worn Hux out enough to make him fall asleep before shooing him out?

Kylo hoped it was the latter.

He lifted his head to gaze at Hux, taking in the sight of him curled under the blankets, sound asleep, vulnerable and soft. He noticed a bit of fabric cradled in Hux’s arms, a soft triangle of russet brown poking out of the crook of Hux’s elbow.

Kylo’s movement disturbed Hux, who rolled over in his sleep, still curled up, but now facing Kylo, his thin knees and long legs digging into his side. The change in position let Kylo look down (while ignoring his bony knees grinding against his ribs) into Hux’s arms at the object he was so protectively curled around, and he blinked.

Hux was cradling a worn, battered, but well cared for and well loved loth-cat doll. It was clearly handmade, but by a skilled hand, and with a clear amount of affection. The level of wear and tear, the repairs done, the smooth patches on the cat’s forehead- likely from a scared, worried or upset child’s kisses, seeking comfort - all spoke of how long it had been in his possession, and how much it meant to him.

Before Kylo had finally given in to the sexual tension between them and gotten to know Armitage Hux better, Kylo would have laughed, perhaps taunted or teased the General over the toy.

Now, Kylo held his breath and waited for Hux to settle, because he hated the thought of Hux waking up to find his secret security item had been discovered.

Almost as soon as the thought crossed his mind, Kylo found himself staring into Hux’s pale grey-green eyes, slightly glassy and unfocused with sleep. Hux blinked a few times, disoriented, then remembering himself, drew the blankets over his shoulders to conceal his sentimental secret, and rolled over again, turning his back to Kylo.

“I don’t recall inviting you to stay,” he mumbled, and Kylo knew Hux was gently pushing the doll under the pillows.

“I don’t recall falling asleep,” Kylo admitted. “Sorry.”

The unexpected apology made Hux jerk in surprise, and he shifted to look at Kylo over his shoulder. He considered Kylo for a moment, then his face and rigid muscles softened.

“Don’t be. I think we were both tired, and wearing each other out only exacerbated it, but we’re awake and you can leave,” he finally said, a clear dismissal, to prevent him from asking about the soft childhood toy now hidden under the pillows.

Kylo tilted his head.

“I won’t say anything, Armitage,” he said quietly.

Hux rolled back over, giving Kylo a lovely view of his bare chest and soft freckled stomach- and empty arms. He’d hidden his doll. Hux just looked at him.

“Say anything about what?”

Kylo sighed. He was going to be like that, was he?

“The loth-cat doll,” he replied softly. “You’ve clearly had it since you were young. Reminds me of the stuffed Anooba I had as a kid until I had to leave it for training.”

“Frivolous sentimentality,” Hux muttered. “I shouldn’t have had it past five, let alone this long.”

“Someone clearly took care in making it, and put a lot of love into it if it’s lasted this long,” Kylo said encouragingly, hoping Hux might say more, and let Kylo learn more about him, about his life before the Order.

“Just a kitchen worker,” Hux said dismissively. “Or so it was said. They made it and put it my pram when I was a few days old, and I’ve had it ever since.”

Kylo lifted his brows. He knew the rumours of Hux’s mother being a kitchen worker, that he’d been taken away from his mother when Arkanis was evacuated and he and the late Brendol were pulled off world by a mercenary.

“It’s not frivolous if that’s all you have from her,” he said softly.

Hux sat up, and considered, staring at his lap for minute before finally sighing and reaching under the pillows. He pulled the doll out and held it up for Kylo to see.

“I’ve suspected she made it since I was old enough to know I was a bastard. _He_ wanted to take it from me- toys make children soft, weak- but he never could bring himself to do it. I suspected it’s because it’s all I had from her that didn’t scream ‘bastard child of a kitchen maid.’”

Hux stroked a smooth spot on the doll’s right ear, and it was clear he did that when upset or in need of reassurance. Then holding it in one hand by the waist, he pressed the cat’s forehead to the bridge of his nose and nuzzled it. A habit born of years of comfort seeking.

“Don’t tell anyone. Men like Brooks, like Pryde, they knew when I was younger, and mocked me for it. I pretended to burn it when other cadets tormented me over it, egged on by Brendol’s friends. I gave it to Sloane for safe keeping when I was in the Academy, and burned a bundle of similarly coloured cloth stuffed to look like it.”

He pulled the doll from his face and rubbed that soft shiny spot on the ear again.

“Even pretending to burn her- it - hurt,” he muttered. “When I made my commission and finally received the privilege of my own quarters, Sloane gave this back to me. She kept it with her, and for the longest time, it smelled like her, the second mother I had that cared for me, but the only one I remember.”

Kylo carefully reached for Hux, resting his hand on his shoulder, testing his reaction before pulling him close. Hux didn’t stiffen or pull away, and allowed himself to be pulled against Kylo’s side.

“What’s her name?” Kylo asked quietly. He hadn’t missed the slip of “her” before Hux corrected himself back to “it.”

Hux toyed with the cat’s ear.

“Millicent, but I call her Millie. Have since I can remember. ”

Kylo reached out very carefully, and patted Millie on the head as gently as he could. The fabric was soft, worn, and he could tell that Hux had done some restoration work on it. He had to have, for a doll to last thirty five years under the demands of an unloved, unwanted child who could only find comfort in a small handmade doll.

“Nice to meet you, Millie.”

“Don’t mock me for Millicent, Kylo. Insult my training regimen, tease my uptight nature, mock my speeches, but please,” Hux said, his voice tight. “Don’t mock Millicent.”

Kylo pulled his hand away from Millie, and put it under Hux’s chin, making him look up at him.

“I told you I had a stuffed Anooba. His name was Fang. Original, I know, but I was three. I dragged that pup with me everywhere. To…. Whatever work my parents took me along to, to every meal, every outing, every trip, every bath, even though he watched from the counter- he got his own baths in the washer. If I ever got upset or scared, or missed my parents when they were away, I’d just bury my face in his fur and things would feel a little bit better.”

Kylo paused.

“I wasn’t allowed to take him with me when I started training. I had to leave my family behind, my home, and I couldn’t have Fang with me in a new place, surrounded by strangers who expected the galaxy of me.”

Hux knew that feeling. Leaving home and everything, everyone behind and learning so much was resting on his shoulders, or would be soon enough- and all as a child.

It was a very lonely feeling, but Millie and Sloane had helped. Apparently, Kylo hadn’t even had Fang.

“Fang got lost somewhere in the chaos of my life, and even if I hadn’t lost him, I’m pretty sure Snoke would make me destroy him or something as part of my training.”

Hux just looked up at him, knowing he was coming to the point.

“I’m not mocking Millie. I’m appreciating her because she means a lot to you, and appreciating you, because you managed to hold on to her all this time,” Kylo reassured him, then, quickly, as if trying to do so before he lost his nerve, kissed Hux on the forehead.

“Thank you for showing her to me, Armitage.”

“Thank you, for not mocking me for this sentimental indulgence of mine,” Hux said, flushing.

“Self care is not indulgence. It’s necessary,” Kylo said firmly. “Speaking of… Can we take a few more hours of sleep… Together?”

Hux smiled, a bit awkwardly, then nodded.

“It was… Nice. Waking up with you beside me, that is. You’re warm.”

Kylo sprawled on his back and stretched out his arm, feeling a little happy thrill as Hux slid in beside him, resting on his side- and placing Millie on the pillow so she was in plain sight.

Kylo said nothing, but kissed Hux’s forehead before pulling him close and covering them both with the blankets.

Their nap was much more enjoyable and refreshing than either expected, and opened a new schedule that resulted in many more such naps.

* * *

Kylo came back from training a few months later, tired, sore, mentally drained and emotionally sensitive after Snoke had racked his brain with his claws.

He pinged Hux to let him know he needed some time to clean up, clear his head. Hux replied that he understood and expected as much.

Kylo pushed through the doorway to his quarters, ready to take a shower and fall into bed, but noticed something was off about his room. It took him a minute to notice the black and silver bundle of fake fur and plush cloth.

Sitting on Kylo’s bed was a handmade toy that was not exactly an Anooba, but a very good attempt at one. The stitching was well done, with well concealed seams, quality stuffing, and fine cloth. It even had those odd glass eyes that followed the viewer wherever they went.

It was clearly made with affection. Possibly even love.

Kylo took off his helmet and picked up the doll with a slightly trembling hand, revealing a note underneath on flimsy written in curt, precise and perfectly legible and pleasing handwriting.

> _'Self care is not indulgence. It’s necessary.’_

Kylo turned the flimsy over, and saw another bit of the same pleasing print.

> _'I’m afraid my skills at sewing are more suited to repairing and altering uniforms, but I hope I did well enough with this pup. I let him stay with me until you came back so he’d smell less new and stiff. I hope he will do as a new source of comfort for you as Millie - and you - have been for me._
> 
> _-Armitage’_

Kylo put the plush to his nose and inhaled. It smelled like Hux- of his room, his uniforms, his lotion, his hands, his bed.

The gesture was softer, sweeter than anything he’d expected from anyone, let alone General Armitage Hux, and it was hard to process.

He’d missed Hux during his training- missed his presence, his warmth, his bed, and his scent. He’d found himself wishing he’d had a tiny piece of him to take on his long excursions, and now, he had more than that.

He had Hux’s affection, a great deal more trust than he felt entitled to, and now…

… He had his own frivolous sentimentality.


End file.
